the bachelor’s program or the single life?

and just like that, i’m back! after my last blog post about my daughter i decided to take a little summer hiatus. i’m never not working and as a creative, ideas never stop being created. the month of august is usually filled with the stress of sending the children back off to school. but this year, i decided to travel and take a “break” from working so much.

i traveled to las vegas, nevada with a few of my girlfriends over the labor day weekend.  without saying, we had a ball, but as you know “what happens in vegas, stays in vegas.”  anywho, while on my vacation, i decided to split from my friends to sneak off to one of the resort spas, nurture salon & spa inside of the luxor hotel.  during my stay at the spa, that’s where i began to write……

from time to time i like to lighten the mood of my blog to discuss other topics.  after my post “so you think you can date”, I received tons of emails and comments for lending advice on dating.  being that vegas is a singles playground, i wanted to highlight the two different types of men to date – the single man and the bachelor.  let me be clear, this is my personal observation and my experience from dating.  in no way am i putting a preferred preference over the other.  i think if we, as women, knew what we would like in a man then that would help us along in the dating process. as we all know, dating can be a little complicated and overwhelming.  i’m a strong advocate for a woman loving who she is and going after her life’s goal.  however, if a woman is seeking to have successful male companionship she needs to be abreast in which type of man she will enjoy spending her time with.

since my divorce I’ve had the opportunity to date both – the bachelor (think marcus graham – eddie murphy’s character in boomerang).  this type of man is smart, a good conversationalist (this doesn’t mean he’s a good communicator, though), financially stable, charming and experienced in the luxury lifestyle.  the bachelor isn’t easy to grab a hold to because typically these men are entrepreneurs, athletes, entertainers, etc., so their work schedule is slammed. this man is either labeled as “the playboy” or “the player”.  having a lot of female acquaintances are also part of the package.  this particular man does not have to chase women – the women pretty much flock to him.  the jealous and overly dramatic woman need not apply!  dating a bachelor can be fun and exciting, yet it may be frustrating for the women who are ready to settle down. for some women, the problem with such a man is that bachelors have become so use to living their lives at their own speed and on their own terms; one may call them spoiled. the good news is, its possible for a bachelor to settle down to be in a committed relationship or even get married.  overall, it’s pretty much a roller coaster ride while dating a bachelor.  this man is not for everybody!

next up is the single man (think of gerald – marcus graham’s friend played by david Alan Grier) .  he too is smart and attractive, for the most part he’s a good communicator and relatable.  the single man is usually available, making him accessible. scheduling date nights and phone time is typically not an issue.  a single man can own his own business and earn a six figure salary.  his potential is not limited to a basic 9-5 job.  the single man is normally labeled as “marriage material” or he is placed in the infamous “friend zone”.  this  is probably because he’s so easy to hang out with and he’s not the overly flirtatious type or the creep that makes women feel uncomfortable to be around.

in dating both, i’ve learned some valuable nuggets of information that has assisted me in my dating.  if you’re in a room with 10 single men, about four of them are bachelors. the bachelor and the single man can mirror one another.  both can either be single or divorced.  they can be fathers, as well.  however, there are a few characteristics that separates them.  it’s their level of sophistication and suaveness that will expose which one he is.  both can be well dressed.  however, the bachelor will have several, if not all, custom tailored suits.  the single man may have 1 or 2.  but remember, the bachelor is big on presentation so more of his things will be custom (i.e. homes, clothes, furniture, cars).  their dwelling places will be designed differently.  the bachelor’s living quarters will be more modern contemporary.  he may chose to have his pad either in the city to stay connected or secluded deep in the suburbs for privacy.   his home bar will be stocked with exotic and exquisite liquor, such as the glenlivet 12 years aged scotch and imported tonics.  if the bachelor cohabitates with his lady, she has moved into his home. a bachelor will not move in a woman’s home nor will he expect for her to split the costs.  this is a fact for the true bachelor – not the wannabe.  a bachelor does not necessarily have a “type”.  though he has expectations and has to enjoy the woman, there’s not a model type.  he also has his choice with the pick of the liter, so dating outside his race is an option for him.

the single man may have his living quarters decorated a little more modestly.  he will typically live near his place of employment or the outer outer skirts of the metropolitan area.   his home bar will be stocked with the likely favorites – hennessy and jack daniel’s.  both are gentlemen, however, the bachelor will be able to finesse a woman effortlessly; whereas the single man’s pursuit may take time.  the single man has perfected making a woman smile.  he knows how to give her compliments and usually women walk away thinking “awe, he’s so sweet”.   a woman can easily find herself nestled in the comfort of the single man’s presence.  the single man can be considerate and may exercise patience a little better than the bachelor.  the single man is particular about the type of woman he chooses to court.  more times than none he already has a mental blueprint of what he wants his love interest to mirror.  this image is usually of his mother, aunt, a public figure, etc.  this man has a “type”.

the bachelor, on the other hand, has mastered what to say to make a woman feel sexy where she walks away intrigued.  ‘sweet’ isn’t the word she would use to describe a bachelor after her initial encounter.  this is partially due to the mystery he leaves behind.  typically, the bachelor is an alpha male.  he’s accustomed to calling the shots.  It is common for some bachelors to be controlling, slightly possessive or labeled a jackass.

ultimately, what all this boils down to is finding the right fit for you and that a man is treating you with respect and kindness.  if you are ready to settle down and to start a family, maybe the single man is more your speed.  or if you are more adventurous and enjoy mixing and mingling, maybe the bachelor is your preference.   as illustrated above, like everything else, both types of men comes with pros and cons.  just because he’s a single man doesn’t necessarily means he’s in a rush to get married.  also, because a man is a bachelor doesn’t mean marriage isn’t apart of his plan.  my preference is to date bachelors, mainly because i identify with living a bachelorette lifestyle more than a single woman’s lifestyle.  i’ve realized that i have more success being with someone who is more like me.

thanks for reading.  remember to leave your comments and/or email me at msrobin28@gmail.com.  i love reading them!  be sure to take the poll below!

~robin~